Pulling Me Through
by Kaylie98
Summary: "The memory haunted Eleanor Miller for days. She had watched him do it, and had LET him. Could have stopped it, could have prevented it. But she hadn't. She felt that it was entirely her fault that her favorite chipmunk was now lying in a bed in the hospital. Why hadn't she stepped in?" Theodore/Eleanor centric. *SORRY FOR THE WAIT! CHAPTER 6 IS UP!*
1. Eleanor's memory

**Hi guys! I don't know if this has already been done, (I'm pretty sure it has) but I'm going to give it a go.**

**I thought a bit about **BraveTheElements **comment on my first story, and they had a point; there aren't many multichapter stories with Eleanor and Theodore. Anyway, I hope you like it. I'll take constructive criticism about it.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Alvin and the chipmunks, because they belong to Ross Bagdarsian and Janice Karman. But I sure wouldn't mind owning it!**

The Memory.

That was the only thing on her mind most every day. That was the reason behind her failed tests at school, and the reason behind her loss of appetite.

The Memory. It haunted Eleanor Miller for days. She had watched him do it, and had LET him. She could have stopped it, could have prevented it.

But she hadn't.

She felt it was entirely her fault that now her favorite Chipmunk was lying in a bed, in the hospital. All her fault! Why hadn't she stepped in?

Eleanor lay in her room, staring at the window, watching as the noonday sky slowly darkened with oncoming rain. Her ceiling fan blew cold air on her, making her shiver. But she didn't get under the covers; she deserved to freeze. Eleanor shivered again, and instinctively drew her legs up to her. She was alone in the house. That was how she preferred it; alone. No one to look at her, skinny and red eyed, and shake their heads sadly. No one to ask her, "Hey Ellie, why the long face?" or, "Are you eating well dear? You look thin."

Eleanor watched as the sky became dark and gray, and as the raindrops started to fall, hitting the window with soft thuds. Eleanor closed her eyes, as her own voice screamed in her ears, the one from a few days before.

"_THEODORE!"_

Tears formed under her closed lids, squeezing out and rolling slowly down her cheeks. The Memory played again and again in her mind, and the tears multiplied, slipping down the side of her head and making her hair damp. Eleanor lay on her bed, hugging her knees, as she quietly sobbed into her pillow. The rain grew louder, hammering on the window, echoing her mood in loud thumps on the window.

Eleanor lay still for a little while, then, very slowly, she let go of her legs, lifted her head up, and pulled herself off the bed. She swayed a little, her head aching from crying, and then started for the door. Eleanor pulled on a coat that was hanging carelessly on the corner of her dresser and slipped it on. Then she turned opened the door and walked out into the hallway, zipping up the front of her coat, and pulling the hood over her messy pigtails. Eleanor walked down the hall, through the living room, and then reached the front door. Eleanor grabbed an umbrella, turned the knob, and opened the door. Immediately rain started to pelt down, smacking at her face. Eleanor ducked, spread her umbrella, and started out.

The sidewalks were almost deserted, apart from a man in a business suit running down the sidewalk, his briefcase over his head to shield him from the rain. Eleanor kept the umbrella low over her head, and trudged through the rain, her galoshes smacking the ground with each step. A little ways away, a car drove by, running over a puddle, and spraying the business man. The truck slowed down and stopped at a house. Eleanor turned toward the car, and recognized it instantly. A large black Honda, with a gold stripe running along the side. The driver saw Eleanor looking and stopped as he started to open the door. Their eyes met. The driver stared at her, and Ellie stared back. The driver licked his lips nervously; guiltily. Eleanor knew the driver's name. He was Steve Greg, who worked at the post office. But that wasn't how she knew him. She hated to think about the day they had met, and why. Steve looked down, away from her, and stepped out of the car. He turned off the ignition, closed the door, and walked away, into the house. Eleanor stared at it for a little while, and then headed back down the sidewalk.

10 minutes later, Eleanor arrived at her destination; the hospital. Eleanor stepped in through the sliding glass doors, shut the umbrella, and pulled off her hood. She took off her galoshes and put them with the pile of raingear by the doors. Eleanor took a few seconds to straighten her messy hair and shake off her coat, and then made her way up to the desk. The lady sitting there was talking on the phone. She saw Eleanor and held up a finger.

After about a minute, the lady hung up, turned to Eleanor, and spoke, "May I help you miss?"

"I'd like to see Theodore Seville. What room is he in?"

"Room 135, third floor," the lady said in a bored voice.

Eleanor thanked her and headed toward the elevator. She pushed the glowing up button and waited. After a few seconds, the doors opened and Eleanor climbed in. She felt the little jump in her stomach as the elevator started to go up, and held the rail. Her stomach started to growl, but she ignored it. Seeing Theodore was her main priority. After a little while, the doors slid open once more, and Eleanor stepped out. She walked down the hallway, looking for the right door. Finally she saw 135 and opened it. There was nurse standing in there, in front of a curtain, which Eleanor knew was hiding Theodore. The nurse turned toward the door as it opened.

"Yes?" She asked.

"I wondered if I could see Theodore," Eleanor said timidly.

"You may," the nurse said. She beckoned to Eleanor and led her around the curtain. Eleanor looked down on the bed, where Theodore lay. There was a bandage covering the top of his head and around his left wrist. There were many wires attached to his body, all hooked to a machine. Eleanor looked up at the nurse.

"Is he any better?" She asked hopefully.

"He's doing ok, but he's not fully healed yet," the nurse said sadly. "I'd like to say that he's going to be alright, but we're not sure."

Eleanor looked away from the nurse so that she wouldn't see her tears. The Memory echoed in her ears once more.

_There was a crash. Eleanor stood, rooted to the spot, not knowing what to do. Her only thought was to yell his name._

"_THEODORE!"_

"Are you ok?"

Eleanor jumped and looked up at the nurse, who was frowning slightly.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just sad, that's all." Eleanor said.

"It must be hard," the nurse said, putting an arm around Eleanor. "You were his friend, right?"

Eleanor nodded.

"Things will be alright. You'll see." The nurse said.

The nurse had to be called away for something, leaving Eleanor in the room alone with Theodore. Eleanor turned toward her best friend, another tear slowly dripping off her nose. Eleanor reached out and took his hand in hers. She closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears.

"Please get better for me," she whispered. "Please."


	2. Theodore's darkness

**Disclaimer: If I owned Alvin and the chipmunks, they'd all be out on DVD.**

**So I updated! I hope you like this. **

Darkness.

That was all he could see; Darkness. It was on every side of him, pressing in. All his senses were blurred. He could barely see, he could touch, couldn't move.

But he could think.

Theodore Seville hadn't the remotest idea as to where he lay. He knew that he was lying down, and was pretty sure that his eyes were closed. He lay as though a dead body, although he felt certain that his heart was beating, true, slower than usual, but still beating, pumping a trickle of life into him, although it was zapped as quickly as it had come and used to beat once more. He was just a body, not seeing, not feeling, trapped in his mind.

The Darkness pressed in on him.

_Where am I? _He thought. _How did I get here?_

Of course, his question went unanswered, and he was left to try and remember. All he could recall was pain- pain, and then relief.

He was no longer in any pain, but, of course, he couldn't feel.

The Darkness was so consuming.

He lay in the unknown spot for a while. Maybe minutes, maybe hours; he couldn't tell time very well in this state. The time gave him an opportunity to remember more.

_There had been a crash, and he had been in horrible, agonizing pain._

_A female voice had screamed, "THEODORE!"_

Who had the voice belonged to? A name floated in and out of his brain, although he couldn't make it out.

Suddenly pressure- _real _pressure! Theodore would have frozen, had he not already been stock still. The pressure jogged something in his memory; what it felt like to _feel. _The pressure, he was sure, was on his hand. Someone was holding it, gently squeezing his fingers affectionately. He was sure that he had always loved it when someone had held his hand. Not just anyone; _someone._

The name floating around Theodore's head became more pronounced. He thought hard. What was it?

Theodore's heart rate suddenly increased- temporarily- but it increased, as he remembered the name.

_Eleanor._

**Yeah, that last part was a bit sappy, but I like it. Please review and comment. **


	3. Brittany comforts

**Well, next chapter is here. I want at least 3 reviews for this before I continue on the next chapter. Please be honest. No flames. **

**Disclaimer: Ross Bagdarsian and Janice Karman own aatc. **

**By the way I'm going to write a Simonette story after I finish this one. It's going to be an episode, and I don't know whether I should write it like it's in a script, or just a book. What do you guys think?**

It was too loud.

She didn't usually mind noise; it was always nice to have a bit of sound here and there. But right now was just not the time.

Eleanor sat with her knees in her arms, her chin resting on them, staring out the window.

The rain was starting to clear up, the darkness slowly turning into evening blue. It was now three days after Eleanor had gone to visit Theodore. That day had given her a bit more hope. As she had been holding his hand, a machine had started beeping. Eleanor had jumped as the nurses and a doctor ran in. She had been afraid that he was dying. But, as it turned out, Theodore's heart rate had just gone up. He had taken a small breath of air too.

Eleanor left in high spirits. She had gone home and burst into tears of happiness. The nurses had promised to call her to tell her Theodore was getting better. Eleanor had sat in front of the phone for an hour and a half, waiting for it to ring. Just when she thought that they would never call, the phone rang. Eleanor almost dropped it in her excitement. But the voice that came over the phone was from Miss Miller, telling her that they would be late coming home. After the short call, Eleanor had hung up the phone, and waited for another hour, until finally the door opened and her sisters and guardian came in.

The hospital hadn't called at all. Eleanor was miserable. She failed more tests at school, and had to stay after school to work on them.

She wasn't eating either. She pretended to eat when under pressure, but she always wanted soup; something that wouldn't fill her up.

"Eleanor, are you going to help me set the table?"

Eleanor jumped, coming out of her reverie, and nearly fell off the window seat. She turned to her older sister Brittany, who was frowning and holding a handful of silverware.

"Oh, sure Brittany!" Eleanor said, jumping off the seat and starting for the cabinet that held the plates. She pulled a few out and raced back to the table, where she put a plate at each place. Eleanor felt bad; she wasn't helping with the work anymore, and Brittany and Jeanette had to do more work now.

"I'm sorry, my head has been in the clouds the last few days," Eleanor said, putting a fresh pitcher of Lemonade on the table.

"I've noticed," Brittany stated calmly, setting the silverware at the right places.

Eleanor didn't reply, but just sat down to eat, as Jeanette and Miss Miller came in. Miss Miller sat down by Eleanor and frowned. "Eleanor, are you eating alright? You're very pale right now."

"I'm fine!" Eleanor said quickly. "I'm just…just tired."

Miss Miller continued to frown, but said no more. She looked down at her plate and started to eat. Jeanette and Eleanor too ate. Brittany, sitting across from Eleanor, glared at her youngest sister for a while, then, sighing slightly, started to eat as well.

It was after dinner. The TV was playing American idol, and Brittany was filing her nails. Eleanor sat, curled up on the couch, pretending to watch the show, but her mind was, as usual, on the Memory. Eleanor closed her eyes, but, luckily, no tears came this time. Brittany, sitting on a chair a few feet away, turned towards her and frowned.

_What is wrong with that girl?_ She wondered. Brittany then glared at her again. Brittany had a tendency to get angry when sad and worried. _I wish she would at least smile; she's driving me crazy. _Brittany continued to file her nails with a bit more force. After a few seconds, she stopped, an act worthy of recognition (this was Brittany), and spoke.

"Eleanor, what is wrong with you?" She asked, with quite a bit of force in her voice.

Eleanor raised her head from the pillow on her lap. "What?"

"What is wrong with you?" Brittany demanded. "You're never like this!"

Eleanor didn't reply, so Brittany went on, "You're always moping around, you're failing tests, and you're _not eating!_" You even sob your eyes out when you're home alone!"

Eleanor sat bolt upright. "How do you know— I mean, why— what makes you think—"

Brittany sighed. "Oh Ellie, you're so predictable sometimes. Every time we come home, your eyes and nose are red, you're a huge mess, and you sound as though you're full of chocolate pudding. And," she added, pulling out a camera. "I'm very nosey."

"Brittany!" Eleanor said, shocked. "Are you always spying on people?"

"Well, no, just you," Brittany said. "What?" She asked, as she saw the look Eleanor's face, "I was curious."

Eleanor sighed and sank back onto the couch cushions. "Alright, alright. I'm just…sad."

"I noticed," Brittany said, watching something on the camera. "And I know why, of course."

Eleanor said nothing.

"I know you're sad about Theodore," Brittany went on. "But you're worrying too much. Calm down. Have a bit of fun. It won't make him any worse."

"Brittany, how could I have fun when Theodore is lying in a hospital bed?" Eleanor almost yelled. "Weren't you sad when Alvin had that fever? He was in the hospital for a while! Weren't you worried?"

"Well…Yeah," Brittany said carelessly. "But he got better, didn't he?"

"And, it's all my fault." Eleanor said quietly.

Brittany rolled her eyes. She was horrible at comforting people, so she just shrugged. "Ellie, it is NOT your fault, for goodness sakes!"

"I think it is. You know what happened." Eleanor said, trying not to cry at the thought of what had happened.

"Ellie, stop worrying!" Brittany said, raising her voice.

"I can't help it!" Eleanor said. "Don't you ever worry?"

"Not really," Brittany lied; she was really worrying about Eleanor. "Wastes my time."

Eleanor didn't speak for a minute. Then she said, "What'll I do? I can't stand it! He's my best friend!" Eleanor had tears leaking out of her eyes. "What if he doesn't get better?"

Now Brittany didn't say anything. She just started filing her nails again, glaring at them. After a few seconds, however, her gaze softened. She stopped filing, stood up, walked over to Eleanor, and hugged her.

"I know he will, Ellie."

**Yeah, I know, not very eventful. If you don't like it, I'll delete it. **

**Oh, and another thing; would anyone mind if I wrote another story? I'm introducing my OCs in it. If no one wants me to do it, I'll wait a little while.**

**Please review, I want at least 3 reviews before I write another chapter please! :)**


	4. Unbearable pain

**Well, I didn't get my 3 reviews, just 2, but I don't blame you guys. Chapter 3 was really boring, I know, and it wasn't worth reviewing. Well, this chapter should be better, so I want at least 4 reviews now. Warning: This is a cliffhanger. A MAJOR cliffhanger.**

**And **Spring-Heel-Jaqueline, **thanks for telling me! I always thought it was 'Bagdarsian'. **

**Disclaimer: Um, do I have to do the disclaimer on ever chapter and story? If so, then I don't own Aatc or the chipettes. **

The Pain.

It wasn't physical pain; mental. He spent his time, trying to pull through, as he slowly fell away. He still couldn't move, couldn't see. But now he could hear things better, although he wasn't too pleased with that. To hear blurred words of people and to not be able to call out to them- that was almost the worst thing to happen.

Almost the worst thing.

He needed a certain person, although she hadn't visited him in a while. As usual, he couldn't tell how long he was in this state. But it was too long for him anyway.

Theodore's memory was slowly returning. He remembered the last few things before this had happened.

_He wouldn't regret it, Theodore thought as he waited on the sidewalk. He wouldn't regret it. His friends had switched states, and Eleanor had left, without saying goodbye. _

_Suddenly he saw his opportunity arriving in the shape of a large black Honda, with a gold line running along the side. Closing his eyes, Theodore started across the road. He heard the roar of the engine, and knew that it was almost his time._

_There had been a crash, and he had been in horrible, agonizing pain._

_And then Eleanor's voice, much to his confusion, had yelled, "THEODORE!"_

Theodore had and still wondered how Eleanor had yelled that, when she was supposed to be in another state.

Theodore needed her right now. He didn't know why she was still here, but she was, as she had visited him. She had to be.

Then, it hit him. She was gone. That was why she hadn't visited. She had left him. She would never visit him again.

As hopelessness engulfed him, Theodore slipped farther away, finally vanishing.

**What'd I tell you? MAJOR cliffhanger. If you don't want to be held at suspense, please review. I really want to write and upload the next chapter.**


	5. Steve's forgiven

**Ok, I give up. I didn't get my four reviews, but whatever. That'll be the last time I ask for reviews in a long time. So, here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: The Munks and Ettes belong to some awesome people named Ross Bagdasarian and Janice Karman. **

**Oh, and By the way, I forgot to tell you, This is the 80's cartoon version.**

**Remember to review after you've read it. I like reviews! :) And be honest. If you find any mistakes, tell me. I'll take flames, (Probably not very graciously) but please remember: No Profanity. **

**Thanks!**

Pure guilt.

He knew it was his fault. All his fault. If he had been paying attention, it might have never happened. He wouldn't have had to carry this burden of guilt around with him.

He was a quiet man. He was fairly friendly, and had a wife and two children, a daughter who was in first grade, and a son who was still in kindergarten. He had work at the post office, and a few friends. He wasn't the type to be guilty of such a thing.

But he was. Leaning against the door to the post office, Steve Greg closed his eyes as he remembered the day he had come home to his family, his face white, to tell them what had happened. His son was too young to understand, but he had hated to see the look on his daughter's face as he had told her and her mother that he had hit a kid while driving home. Her wide eyed look of shock as she looked at him. It had almost hurt worse than the guilt.

Pure guilt. Steve opened his eyes and looked at his car. The vehicle that had done the damage. The vehicle that HE had driven.

It was raining again. Cold, wet rain. Steve felt that he deserved the cold. He deserved ever one of life's foul plays.

Steve wasn't good with guilt. Whenever it pressed upon him, he beat himself mentally, hated himself, reminded himself what he had done. But this was such a big burden, that he couldn't do it mentally anymore. He wished that he had been the one hurt in that accident, rather than that poor unsuspecting kid. He wished that he had paid mroe attention to his driving. He wished that he could somehow go back in time and just undo it all. Or at least jump in front of the child, taking his own life.

The moment this thought crossed his mind, he knew that he shouldn't have wished it. He still had a family to support.

Barely aware of what he was doing, Steve opened the door of his Honda, got in, and started the truck. He then pulled out of the driveway and went turned left, toward his road. He kept a sharp eye on the road at all times; the accident had taught him to do so. However, there was no one on the road, due to the heavy rain. Steve reached his home about ten minutes later and pulled into the driveway. Then he pulled the keys out of the ignition and opened the door. Immediately, raindrops hit his face. Steve made no move to cover his face. he calmly got out and walked up the steps walkway and toward his house. When he reached the door, he found a note stuck to it in a ziplock bag, no doubt to be kept dry. Steve pulled it out and read,

_Honey,_

_I took Linda and Jarome grocery shopping. I'll be back home around 7._

_I love you, _

_Marrion _

Steve finished reading the note and sighed. He hated how she had spoken to him, so nicely, lovingly. He felt that she should despise him for what he had done. He didn't deserve her love.

Steve felt so lost. The boy he had hit was currently in a coma, with no signs of recovery. The family of the boy had forgiven him, but he knew that there was still someone who hadn't yet, and he felt that she had every right.

Steve placed the note in his pocket and turned around. He saw a certain house, and decided to visit there. He just needed to apologize.

Steve started down the road, toward his destination, while his guilt lay heavily upon his shoulders.

Miserably reminiscing.

Eleanor sat at the kitchen table. She was once again alone, with only her thoughts.

Eleanor remembered the little joke she had played on Theodore. It had seemed harmless at the time. Just a little joke between friends.

But apperently it had been more than a joke. It had been so much. It had given her a horrible consequence.

Why ahd she done it? Had there been any need?

No, there hadn't. She had done it for her own amusement.

Eleanor bent her head, her face in her hands, as the memory played in her mind.

_Eleanor had noticed Theodore walking across the sidewalk. Apperently, he didn't see her. He kept walking, even though the light was green._

_"Theodore?" She asked, but he probably didn't hear her over the traffic. Theodore continued walked. Eleanor hurried forward._

_"Theodore?" She said even louder, but he didn't turn around._

_Suddenly it all happened in one instant. A Honda came into view. A large black honda, with a gold line running through it._

_There was a crash. Eleanor stood, rooted to the spot, not knowing what to do. Her only thought was to yell his name._

_"THEODORE!"_

A loud knock pulled Eleanor out of her revery. She jumped up and ran to the door. Upon opening it, she found Steve Greg, in a thin black coat, shivering on the doorstep. She stood still, not exactly pleased to see him.

"Hi Eleanor," Steve said.

"Hi." Eleanor said stiffly.

Steve shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other. Although she didn't want to talk to him, Eleanor said, "Would you like to come in?"

Steve nodded, and walked in. Eleanor led him to the kitchen, where he took a seat and stared awkwardly at the floor. Eleanor remained standing.

"Would you like some cocoa?" She asked, again stiffly.

Steve nodded a second time, and Eleanor walked to the stove and pulled out a small saucepan. She went to the fridge and took out the milk and chocolate syrup. Then she went back to the stove and poured the ingredients into the pan. She remained standing by the stove so as to avoid Steve for a bit. After a few minutes, Eleanor stirred the cocoa around, and then waited again for it to be hot. Another moment passed. Eleanor finally got bored of standing by the stove and made her way back to the table. She sat down at the chair across from Steve, and started playing with her fingers. After a very awkward pause, Eleanor spoke.

"How have you been?"

Steve looked up from the floor. "What? Oh, i've been ok," He said, and looked back down.

"So..Why did you come here?" Eleanor asked, trying not to sound rude.

Steve didn't answer for a moment. He continued to stare at the floor for a while. Eleanor was about to get back up and check the cocoa, (Although it didn't really need checking) when Steve spoke.

"I wanted to say that i'm sorry," He said. Eleanor raised her eyebrows in surprise. Well, there wasn't really any other reason for him to come, but she had been making up her own version of Steve for the past two weeks, ever since she had met him. She hadn't made him out to be sorry. She had thought that he didn't care too much.

A second passed, feeling like a year. Then Eleanor spoke.

"Don't be."

Steve looked up in surprise. "What?"

Eleanor inhaled shakily. "Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. Well, it kinda is, but I have some fault in it as well."

"It IS my fault," Steve said. "It's all my fault. What could you have done wrong?"

Eleanor sighed. "I played a trick on him. Not a big trick. I didn't think it would be s horrible. I wrote him a note that said that My sisters and I had switched states. I thought it would be funny to surprise him after he thought that I had left." Eleanor shook her head, I didn't think he would take it so seriously. He must have been in a daze when he crossed the street. I don't know. But i could have done anything to prevent it. I could have run out and pulled him out of the road. I could have even called to him. But when I did, I wasn't loud enough." Eleanor sighed again. "So part of it's my fault."

There was silence again, but not uncomfortable silence. Eleanor got up quietly and went to check on the cocoa. Upon finding that it was hot enough, she got a mug from the cabinet, returned to the stove, and ladeled the hot, steamy chocolate into the mug. Then she turned, walked back to the table, and handed it to steve. He accepted the warm beverage with a quiet 'Thanks' and took a sip. Eleanor sat down in her seat and watched him. After he had taken a few more sips, Steve spoke again.

"Could you forgive me?"

"Of course!" Eleanor said. Nothing on earth could stop her from forgiving him. She sighed once more. "Could you do me a favor?"

Steve nodded.

"Could you forgive _me _for making you out to be some thing you're not? After the accident, I thought things i shouldn't have about you. I judged you wrongly. Could you forgive me?"

Steve was silent. Then a smile broke out across his face. "Yes Eleanor, I forgive you."

Eleanor smiled.

Suddenly the phone rang. Eleanor jumped up to answer it. Steve took another drink as Eleanor caught the phone on the third ring and answered.

"Miller Residents," She said. There was a pause, as she listened to the person on the other end speak. When the person finished, Eleanor was frozen. The phone was held away from her ear, and she was staring out the window, without actually seeing it. Steve saw her and frowned.

"What's wrong?"

Eleanor's heart was beating. She licked her lips, and took a deep breath. Then, turning to Steve, She told him the news.

"It's Theodore. They said that he's gone."

**Oh man, now my heart's beating. Remember, read and review. The next Chapter will come soon.**


	6. Another Memory

**I . . . I'm SO ****SO**** sorry. I honestly did NOT mean to leave this story hanging for so long. You see, I played out the ending in so many different ways, and then I felt like giving up, and then I got into other things, and- I feel horrible now! I even meant to update several times, but kept forgetting. Gomen Nesai! (See? I got into Anime! Curse that addictive yet thoroughly inspirational Japanese media!) **

**Now I am going to finish this story even if it kills me. **

**. . . I was going to make joke out of that, but with the direction this story is taking, well . . . I didn't think you'd appreciate it. :/**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing . . . Except the idea . . . And a boatload of writers block. **

**Without further ado, I give you**

**CHAPTER 6! **

6. A different memory

It was the first day of middle school. Grade school was history; now the big kids got to play!

_Eleanor Miller did not consider herself a "Big Kid" yet. She was content playing house, singing nursery rhymes, and using her freedom to play. This middle school schedule of which she had been warned- she was not prepared for it. _

_As all of the eagerly jabbering students filed past her into the building, Eleanor stood hesitantly under a tree. Her heart pounded with each passing second, until she was certain it would stop. _

_She imagined herself collapsing, and everyone panicking. They'd call the ambulance and it would come, roaring down the street, to rescue her. Then she would be loaded onto a stretcher, while all the students watched in horrified awe, and whisked away. And when she did return to school, everyone would be gossiping about what a scared little baby she was. _

_In an effort to rid her mind of this terrifying vision, Eleanor's eyes flickered over the students' heads. They passed over giggling girls, trash-talking boys, tardy teacher, and finally a little boy in green. _

_On his face was an expression of horror. He walked with a gait that suggested someone approaching his death sentence. A lunch bag was clenched so tight in his hands that the bag was tearing slightly. _

"_Hey," Eleanor called in a voice so quiet, she was sure it would not carry. She had no idea what made her do it. _

_Miraculously, the boy heard, and he turned to look at her. "Hi?" _

_His voice was high, and sweet, and she could almost see the innocence in it. _

"_Are you okay?" Eleanor asked normally, while mentally beating herself. What a stupid, clichéd question. She hoped desperately that he would not hear it. _

"_Huh?" He looked panic stricken. "Y-yeah, I'm okay. I'm great! I-I was just thinking, and when I think too hard people say I look scared. So, I'm fine!" _

"_Okay," Eleanor wished that she had not asked; staying quiet probably would have been the better choice. "You just looked worried." _

"_No, I-I'm not worried at all! A-actually, I'm looking forward to this!" The green clad boy held up his fist in a weak attempt at celebrating. "Yay?" _

_Eleanor smiled, but felt it slip away. "I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of; I'm scared too." _

_The boy put his hands down. "You are?" _

"_Yup." _

"_Oh." He put his arms behind his back, awkwardly looking at the ground. "Well, uh, you don't look it." _

"_I don't?" _

"_No, you look really confident." The boy said, looking shyly up at her. Eleanor turned her head, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks. _Blast these hormones, _she thought. Ever since she'd turned eleven, she'd blushed over every guy and that met her eye._

_Thankfully the school bell rang just then, saving the two from any more awkwardness. They were instead shoved inside by the roaring tide of students, and sent into different classes. _

_It wasn't until lunch finally arrived that Eleanor saw him again. He didn't find her in too good a situation either; she had boldly sat with an unfamiliar group of girls, and thought she would make friends. They exchanged some polite pleasantries, and Eleanor felt hopeful. Then she pulled out her lunch. _

_Aside from breakfast, lunch was considered the most important meal of the day. She always planned big lunches for herself, as they gave her strength to get through the rest of the school day. Today she brought a large meatball sandwich (One of her own inventions!) a bag of carrots, and a bottle of juice. _

_She was halfway through the carrots (Which she always ate before the real meal, to get them out of the way) when she noticed that the others were staring at her. _

"_Uh, what's that?" One of them asked, pointing at her sandwich. _

"_A sandwich." Was that not completely obvious?  
><em>

"_What makes it sag like that?" Another asked. _

_Eleanor put down her carrots and pulled hers sandwich towards her. After unwrapping it, she took the top part of bread and pulled it off. "I call it "Meatballs in a bun"!" She proclaimed proudly, only to falter afterward. The girls looked at the drippy, crumbled meatball soaking into the bread like it was something rotting. As they did so, Eleanor noticed (With a pang of panic) the neatly wrapped salads and tofu dishes before the other girls._

_Oh, dear. _

"_Ah," She said, her already high-pitched voice ascending an octave higher. "Are you, um, vegetarians? I'm sorry, I can put it away if it bothers you."_

"_No, no! We aren't vegetarians," replied another girl hastily. "We just prefer eating healthy to eating like a pig."_

_Like a pig? Eleanor stuffed her sandwich back into her bag. She should have known; weight gain was the biggest offender in middle school, especially among girls. Really, she couldn't blame them for being offended by her enormous appetite._

_She looked down at her round stomach, bulky thighs, pudgy hands . . .no, the words she was thinking weren't right . . . she was _fat. _Overweight, bloated, fat. Ugly. _

_Thank goodness she had not started eating the sandwich first._

_As she ate her last carrot, refusing to look toward her lunch bag, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned, to find the boy from this morning hovering shyly behind her. _

_Right on cue, her face turned beet-red; how long had he been there?_

"_Uh, hi, sorry to disturb you," his emerald eyes flickered quickly over the group before returning to hers. "I just w-wanted to know if you'd like to, um, eat dinner – no! I mean lunch together, with me." _

"_Oh!" Eleanor felt a flood of relief. "Well," She turned to the other girls, who appeared to be fighting the urge to laugh. "Do you mind if I go?" _

"_Awe, don't worry about us!" The second one said. "Have a nice lunch." _

_Eleanor hurriedly packed her other lunch items in the bag and walked off. Before she got too far, however, she heard the whispers. _

"_Did you hear his s-s-stutter? I thought I was gonna die!"_

"_Ugh, her sandwich made me sick, now how'm I supposed to eat?"_

_Eleanor's face was hot from embarrassment, as well as anger. What was the matter with them, judging a kid they'd only just met on the way he spoke?_

"_Sorry," the boy ahead of her spoke. "I-I should have planned that better. I saw them making fun of your lunch and couldn't help myself."_

"_They weren't making fun," Eleanor argued. "It was probably just a surprise."_

"_Well, so what?" the boy turned, regarding her curiously. "Wouldn't it have been nicer for them to be polite?"_

_That was when Eleanor knew she liked him. She, too, had thought the same thing many times. But the older she got, the less being polite seemed to apply to children her age, till she had just decided to give up on others thinking it. Now, here was someone who shared that view. The excitement from hearing that bubbled up inside her. _

"_You're right." She agreed, and some of the headstrong, confident Eleanor returned. "And I'll bet manners don't come easily to them."_

_So she and Theodore ate lunch together. Theodore was impressed with the sandwich she'd created ("It's like two meals all in one!") and she offered him a slice in exchange for some of his home baked egg rolls. _

_Ironically, Middle School began with Theodore being the more confident of the two. Though certainly not headstrong, he would usually be the one pulling Eleanor out of her shell with just a simple reminder that she need not put up with everything. Those straightforward comments were what helped her achieve the self-assurance that she was later known for._

_While Eleanor slowly grew more and more assertive, however Theodore's own boldness waned slightly with each passing school day. She barely noticed it at first, but as time wore on, it became obvious that all was not right with Theodore. _

_One day in particular, the best part of school came, and the students settled down for lunch. Eleanor sat at the table with her sister Jeanette and her boyfriend Simon (Theodore's older brother), and Theodore's best friend Michael. Michael was just explaining to her the correct way to bandage a bird's wing without damaging it further when Theodore walked up. _

"_Hiya, guys!" He waved, sliding into the seat by Eleanor. "What'd I miss?" _

"_Michael's been telling me about his dove." Eleanor said. "He said she's nearly ready to fly again."_

"_Oh! That's great, Michael." Theodore said, leaning over to smile at the boy. _

_Michael nodded. "Yeah, but I'm really gonna miss her." _

"_I'm sure she'll miss you too," Theodore remarked seriously. _

"_Where's your lunch Theodore?" Eleanor asked, pointing to his empty place. "Did you forget it?" _

"_Hmm?" Theodore looked down. "Oh, no, I just don't have it today." _

"_Why?" Eleanor asked slowly. "You're not trying to diet again, are you?" _

"_No! I-I'm not!" Theodore squeaked. "I just wasn't very hungry. I, uh, had a big breakfast." _

"_You know, that's actually a healthier choice." Michael, the health-nut of the group, commented. "Eating a large breakfast in the morning gives you energy to get through the day. A smaller meal at lunch restores part of the energy, and helped you make it till dinner. But since you don't have much to do after dinner, you should be sure to make that meal the smallest." _

"_But big dinners are so nice," Theodore whimpered. "If one big meal is healthy, imagine how healthy all three would be!" _

"_That's, uh, not the point." Michael smiled. "But if you'd prefer an alternative, than 6 smaller meals throughout the day is a good option."_

"_6 meals? That sounds fantastic!" Theodore said ecstatically. _

_Unfortunately, some students heard, and they had something to say about it. _

"_Hmm, sounds like Seville's trying to lose some of that blubber." One girl said snidely to her boyfriend, who didn't try to hide his laughter. _

"_Is that even possible?" he asked. "The only way for him to lose it all would be legit starvation." _

"_Did he say he eats 6 meals?" Another boy wondered aloud. "Ugh, no wonder he's so big." _

"_I'll say," his sister replied. "I have to stretch next to him in gym class, and let me tell you; he is not a pretty sight at the end of it." _

_These little snatches of gossip went unheard by Michael and Eleanor, but they made it to Theodore. He didn't show any signs of being hurt by them, either, but Eleanor would later recall that he acted exceptionally cheerful from that point onward. _

_Later, she would also realize that his interest in dieting didn't come from any will to get healthy; it came from unknown students stealing his lunch every day! He would get rude letters on his locker, or nasty notes written on his desk, and the student body gave him his own nickname: Butterball. _

_But he didn't complain. _

_He never complained. _

_She'd wished he would. _

"_You can't let them walk over you like that," she'd chastised one long walk home. Theodore's fingers fiddled with the torn piece of fabric on his sleeve; a Band-Aid on his cheek his a cut. "I'm fine, Ellie." He assured her. _

_Blushing at the use of her nickname, Eleanor continued, "Kids like that are good for nothing. You need to report them, so they can be punished." _

"_B-but –"_

"_And if they try and beat you up afterward, just ask Michael to scare them off. You know he would." _

"_No, I can't ask him to do that! It might hurt his feelings." Theodore gently kept arguing. "And anyways; I don't want those students to be punished. They don't deserve it." _

_Their argument ended, but Eleanor made a firm resolution to fix things as she saw right. The next day she stormed up to the principals office and gave them the names and faces of all the students she'd seen bullying Theodore. There turned out to be many more than she'd known at the time. _

_Now, she concluded, Theodore would get better. Things would go back to normal. And so remained her thought process thereafter. _

_Those she'd called out had been given strict rules to not pick on Theodore or any other kids again. They kept the promise, but ignored Theodore for it. Their friends, too, made sure not to include him in anything. They were crafty; while not out rightly bullying, they began a new psychological method. Whenever he passed by, they'd turn away, or hum loudly. If he happened to speak, they looked over his head. Basically, they pretended he didn't exist. _

_Eleanor saw the physical damage end, but she did not witness the beginning of a much more personal pain. _

_This had obviously continued for several years, and the result had built up. Theodore had few people to talk to, and Eleanor had become his only confidant. So her note, a cheerfully written "Hey, we've moved, meant to tell you but forgot. Bye! Ellie." meant to be taken as a light joke, had probably been what made him snap. Rushing blindly into traffic, oblivious to the world around him, for just an instant not even thinking, he acted on impulse, and – _

_CRASH! _

"_THEODORE!" _

He'd finally fallen.

He's gone.

Why is he gone?

"I'm why." Eleanor said, but nobody heard her. She stood outside the hospital, waiting for her sisters and Miss Miller to arrive, and screamed, "I'M SORRY!" before breaking down. The tears didn't help, though; the pain almost numbed her of them. "I love you."

Hoping such useless words might reach him, wherever his soul now resided.

**Even though this probably isn't the closure you were anticipating, I hope this peace offering is nonetheless sufficient. It took me a while to finish, but I'm trying to get everything put together before the climax. **

**Once again, I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY sorry I left this hanging! I will try not to be this heedless in the future! **

**Love!**

**~Kaylie**


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